Thursday, February 14, 2008

Happy "Balentimes"

Sometimes things just get too heavy. At times I almost feel literally weighed down by the junk I'm carrying on the inside. Today had the potential to be one of those days.

Yesterday a friend shared a truth about their life. As they so bravely bared themselves, I did everything in my power to be a good friend. I loved them, despite my objections to their choice. I made my opposition clearer, but emphasised, "you already knew I'd say that, right?"

I let my life be an example of why I disagreed with their position, I continued to exclaim, "but I still love you, and I always will." I furthered my expressions by stating, "and I will always be for you, I won't necessarily be for your choices, but I will ALWAYS be for YOU."
Their disclosure caused and emotional response from another nearby friend. Another guard came down and they shared what has been welling up inside their heart.

Heartache and loneliness that I couldn't make go away poured out with each tear. I saw myself ten years prior crying about the same thing and wishing I could tell 16 year old Lacy the words I was so desperately trying to get this one to hear.

The vagueness of "my friends" is to protect them. They were open with me and I never want to abuse that trust.

As I left both of them, I knew I would be burdened by their stories. I knew I'd have to lay down their burdens which had now, become my own.

As I went on my run this morning, I wept over these two, I got frustrated about one, scared for them both, broken for each of these sweet sweet souls.

The Lord is so faithful to meet me when I run. He continued to give me insight and memories, and revelations.

As it's pretty clear these two were dealing with love and relationships, God kept giving me wonderful truths about my most special relationship, my marriage.

As I was sharing with my friends about how God has perfect timing in regards to his reveling of one's spouse, I blurted out, "my husband lived two blocks away from me for a large part of my life, and I didn't even know it."
I had to step back later when I realized, wow! From the time I was in 4th grade until I was in the middle of high school, Kenton was literally right around the corner and I didn't know him.

I continued down this path and recalled hearing him on the radio as the infamous DJ, EQ. I listened and laughed but I never once thought, "humm? I'll bet I'll marry this man one day."

Even as I started to recognize this boy with curly hair, who drove a big green truck and worked at Subway, it never occurred to me that my first child would one day look just like him.

Or as I think back to the first night I met him, I surely didn't see a glimpse in to the future revealing to me that I'd be straightening my hair tonight to look as nice as I can for this boy, as we go out to celebrate Valentines.

God has perfect timing. He knew we weren't ready for each other yet, so he waited until we were. I'd be a liar If I said, "and he was the man of my dreams.." But I'd be foolish not to say, "He is everything I ever needed, and didn't know I wanted, he was designed to be my best friend."

I cringe at all the time I wasted on others, because I was lonely and impatient. God knew what he was doing and, oh, I how I wish I could go back and turn all others away. How I wish I could listen to the words I dulled out last night, "Your husband's out there, he's being prepared to be the man you need him to be, he'll meet your needs like you never knew one could, he's going to love you, honor you, respect you, and take care of you Do not be unfaithful to that man that is waiting for you."

I confessed that I never learned to fall in love with Jesus and allow him to be the faithful supply for the loneliness, the longing to be loved, and the companionship. I encouraged them to believe me that he will be the best relationship they could ever let into their lives and when the time is right, their husband will come. What a joy it will be to not have the bruises and baggage that come from all our "time-fillers."

I told them this was their destiny, should they choose to get on the path that will take them there, and obviously get off the one that is promising nothing.

I finished my run with more tears. This time tears of praise and thankfulness. Thankful that I can't change these two friends, but trust that the Lord can. I praised the Lord that he made an escape plan, he'd take these sorrows so I didn't have to. I thanked him for being able to save these two from anymore regret that their paths can cause.

But mostly, I gushed with gratitude that He did what he said he would do. That he would bring me a husband that meets my needs like I never knew one could, a man that honors me, a man that respects me, a man that takes care of me, and mostly a man that loves me.

I left the house weighed down this morning, but I came home a light as could be.

Thank you Lord for my wonderful Valentine, I love you so much.

1 comment:

  1. how perfect is God's plan for each one of us! thanks for sharing your love story.