Monday, August 31, 2009

The Best Crappy Job I've Ever Had

It all started with a little nagging stomach ache, the flu bug perhaps? Then it lead to complete nausea at the site of any and all food. Throw in some extreme fatigue, stretch marks, outrageous weight gain, cankles, swelling, pain in my back that kept me from sleeping. Then came x-rays, needles, IV's, a freezing cold surgical room, scalpels, staples, one jumbo scar. There were then lots of tears, sleepless nights, fits of panic, confusion, fear, and even counseling. Mix in a new, flabbier body, no clothes to wear, not to mention parts of my body aching in ways I didn't imagine possible. Applying ointment to parts of my body, I never imagined. More sleepless nights. Projectile fluids, of all kinds. Having showdowns with crying verses rocking. Never quite mastering the fine art of laying down in the bed without waking. Then come crashes and spills. Spits and snot. Drool and potty. More potty and now it's on the bathroom floor. Choking and spitting. Swaddling and "bo-bo's." Rockin' and rockin' and rockin'. Toys everywhere. Never ending messes. Now there's talking, and screaming. Running and running away. Grabbing and touching. Learning and then using the wisdom against me. Now, I'm sleeping at night but the days are so tiring, I need daytime naps too. Wishing for just two minutes, just two minutes, of quiet! Washing out underware, picking up the one millionth piece of paper with scribbles on it. Having to cut the apples "just right" every day. Making sure the egg is cooked "just the way he likes it," not too runny, but not too soft. Rarely hearing "thank you." Always hearing, "I want this..." Always needing just a little time to myself. Desiring that just once we could go somewhere without whining, without getting rambunctious, without making a mess, or without throwing a fit when it's time to leave. Needing that bedtime hug not to turn into a choke hold and a head butt.

Then I left my baby boy at school one rainy morning in August and everything from the list above vanished. All I could see were those warm, sweet, and tender cheeks I first nuzzled in that cold operating room. All I could hear was the soft sound of "mama" as it slipped past his lips for the first time. All I wanted to do was give him anything and everything he ever desired, and never want anything in return. All I wanted was to spend every second with him. I wanted to take back everything I'd ever deemed as a mess or scribbles and cherish it as something that only he could uniquely design. I wanted to get my hug and cling so tight he'd have to pull me off. I hated my job more on the first day of kindergarten than ever. I wanted to trade back for all the other crappy days, this was was now the worst day yet.
Kenton and I sat in the car, literally weeping. There were moans and deeps sighs involved with our tears. Our baby bravely sat in his chair and said he was fine. He was ready to move on to the next stage. A stage that didn't involve us as much, a stage we couldn't be right by his side for. My guilt overwhelmed me. I felt like scum for ever getting mad at him. I felt like I had squandered my time with him. I didn't know how I would move on to the next chapter of my life. I thought I was ready for a "break." I thought I was ready to go "find something else." Oh how wrong I was.
Even in the height of my post-partum depression my Dad spoke truth through the darkness to me. Truth that became so clear even years later. Truth that I wasn't sure I was really cut out for. But even three weeks after his first day of school, I'm still a weepy mess, confirming his words to me,
"Lacy, you were born to do this."
With all my interests and passions, new and old, one blaring passion never ceased, I was always driven to be a mommy. And not just any mommy, but Judah's Mommy.

I have hated many parts of my job, but it is without a doubt the best crappy job anyone could ever have.
Thank you Lord for fulfilling my heart's desire.

Saturday, August 08, 2009

You Only Hurt The Ones You Love

The torch has been passed! I can proudly say, "I'm the fastest triathlete in the house!" With only a few digs at his expense I was able to take Kenton's former title from him today.
Hutchinson Rec puts on a novice friendly triathlon every August called The Salty Dog. It's considered a sprint distance, with a few tweaks due to the pool and bike path. It's a staggered start 400 meter swim in the aquatic center's lap pool, a five loop 10.8 mile ride around the golf course, and a 5k run on the running path all inside Carey Park.
I was in good company today. Along with Kenton, I was joined by my Dad, friend Dennis (my Dad's un-official brother), and friend Adam. We were all numbered according to our projected swim times. Surprisingly my Dad and I were right next to each other. He was #160 and I was #161. Kenton was #85. This race is against the clock, so just because someone crosses the line before you, it doesn't mean that they beat you, right Kenton? (As he crossed before me and he was sprinting to the finish next to a 'Salty Pup' competitor that shared the same course...aka a little girl!)
Competitor's started every 10 seconds. I slipped into the pool next to my Dad and watched him go and waited for my cue. "#161...GO!"
I'm not a great swimmer, but I have endurance. I can slop through the laps for a long time without feeling fatigued. So that's what I did. I passed my Pops and realized the pool isn't a great place for little bits of banter and conversation. Once I was out of the water I tried to un-cling my swim shirt from my body and ran to my bike. I'm sure I was talking out loud as I was trying to make sure I did all the necessary steps. "Start Garmin, put on shorts, dry feet, socks, shoes, helmet, glasses, Garmin on...GO!!"
The wind was a booger this morning, but since it was a loop, you got to use it to your advantage just as much as you fought it. I was using up what I thought was a lot of energy, thinking I needed to push harder on my weaker events. On my last lap around I heard my Dad's voice behind me. I thought I had him in my dust. He enjoyed the surprised look on my face and my comment, "that's not good!" Due to him catching me, I pushed so hard on the last lap just to keep him in my sights. I couldn't catch him, but rode like mad to at least keep a visual on him. In the last turn I saw Kenton out on the running path. I waved, he cheered...he's a good man.
As the dismount area came into view, I could see my Dad running to the rack. All I could think was, "I've got to catch him on the run." This caused me to frantically ditch my bike and nearly forget to take off my helmet. Phew!! I didn't get too far with that thing on!
I ran for the run start and just went. I staggered a bit trying to switch my Garmin over to run from bike. Once I got that squared, I just ran. I love that I have a strength in this arena. I don't have to think about it, I just go. My legs were tight and it felt like I was barely moving, but I knew I was cruising fast enough. The whole time I kept passing people with numbers that indicated they had started before me. After a mediocre swim and ride, this was a nice confidence boost. After all, I'm just a runner who signed up for a triathlon. I never saw my Dad (phew!) and I ran in strong to the cheers of my husband, mother, friends, and even my uncle (a hutch resident). I crossed the finish line and stopped both of my watches. One was just a stop watch I had started at the swim and then I stopped the Garmin. I walked over to Kenton and was ready to face the music. Neither of us had official times, but my unofficial time was 1:14. Once I told him that he said, "oh." His watch read 1:14 as well. However, his watch was started once he was on the bike, making it safe to assume that once his estimated 10 minute swim and transition time were added my time was faster. We waited and cheered for my Dad as he finished his first triathlon and headed to the "after party."
I was humbled during the awards ceremony. I get used to placing in runs, but the results proved I have some improvements to make if I want to be a contender in the tri field.
Official results were posted this afternoon. We all have a lot to be proud of today.

Finsh Name Division # Swim T-1 Bike T-2 Run Total Time

54th Lacy Hansen W25-34 161 0:10:25 0:03:07 0:38:29 0:01:04 0:21:35 1:14:40

108thDennis Dull M45-54 99 0:11:41 0:04:56 0:38:53 0:01:58 0:24:31 1:21:59

119thRandy Carlile M45-54 160 0:11:52 0:04:17 0:35:38 0:01:42 0:30:25 1:23:54

130thAdam RobidouM35-44 72 0:08:56 0:04:23 0:39:15 0:02:31 0:30:32 1:25:36

141stKenton HansenM25-34 85 0:09:34 0:03:00 0:36:59 0:02:23 0:35:34 1:27:30


Oh, and I got my redemption by reading that even though I didn't place, I still emerged with the fastest female 5k time. Like I said, I'm a runner who signed up for a triathlon!